Pieces of My Pondering #3
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As I leave my hometown behind…
As I pack my things into tidy boxes and abundant bins, I am reminded of ever second lived with each emotionally irreplaceable object. My heart sings the song of the time I spent with them, the people who have handled them and the lives they have lived in my company. What they have seen with porcelain eyes, false smiles – and no way to speak of the horrors and triumphs.
Just like when I was younger I wanted my room to burn for it had seen me at my weakest – I now look at these things and think:
“They have seen me at my strongest.”
They have seen me fight for what I need and what I see, they have seen me give up on things that don’t aid me in my journey, and they have seen me celebrate my victories.
These walls, these streets…they hold not only my lowest moments but the essence of my growth. And when this soil no longer accepted my roots and my expansion – I know I have to leave.
I have to leave. Leave the beaten paths and the remembered routes, the memories sticking to the physical place called home like a mold that wont cease. I have to cleanse my life, my place in this world for a bigger, brighter pond. One that whole-heartedly accepts me for who I am now.
I found as I grew in this shell, this shell did not grow to fit me. It fought the expanding of form relentlessly. I thought it was punishment for the directions in which I progressed but in fact – it just wasnt a right fit.
The prominent lesson I have learned over these past few years is: your body will respond, your mind will subconsciously respond when you arent where your supposed to be or doing what your supposed to do. I was trying so hard to fit into the box that wasn’t meant for me.
Now, as a kindness to the barriers and I – I shall take off and hope I find the space I need.
