The Never Ending End: Omineca Arts Center December Artist in Residency
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I am overjoyed to announce this coming month is Blair Wingerter and I’s Artist in Residency at Omineca Arts Center.
Although it is a great privilege and honour, there are a few things I’d like to write about before it comes to fruition. Mostly to keep myself from falling into the well of misremembering how I felt about certain things as time goes on, but also to show new artists as they are coming into the industry that they are not alone.
I am scared shitless.
I was handed this opportunity at the exact moment I was laid off from my stressful, 9-5 job that I thought would propel me into financial safety – literally. The same day I was let go, I received the email offering me the Gallery spot with Blair. To say that I was in shock for a while would be saying very little. I now had no sustainable income, was relying on my significant other, and I had a ton of work to do.
Nonetheless I put paint to canvas, fingers to keys and I got the brunt of what needed to be done, done.
And even though this stress is a lot of pressure on my shoulders – I’ve never felt more alive in my life.
For once, it feels like my needs and wants are linking up. The previous, aforementioned stressful job showed me a lot about my views on work and life, and how they balance out. I come from people with very strong work ethic, who believe in hard work to keep yourself sustained and happy. Of course, I believe the same but the definitions of work differ in important ways. To step outside of that mentality – that work needs to be overwhelming, embrace what is viewed as ‘laziness’ and ‘rebellion’ to others and allow my energy to come back just so I can place it in areas that help return that energy…
It is probably the healthiest step I’ve taken in a while.
I have now allowed myself the honour of following my dreams, to take risks in search of peace, and showing myself that I am worth it.
I’m still scared, though. I find myself in episodes of intense doubt and criticism. I start bolting down the path of giving up without giving much thought to the excellence I could achieve if I just put my mind to it. I know this is a defence mechanism – that its the past’s inky tendrils of regret snuffing out my confidence in order to preserve my ego. I have made the necessary steps up until this moment to not let it consume me – but it’s hard.
I am the maker of my destiny, following fates (sometimes quite blunt) stepping stones on the way to my purpose. Doesn’t mean I still don’t fret and fray at the stray ends of the tapestry. I must continue to remind myself that I am worthy of good things, that if I try my best I will get everything I need out of this life. That the bad comes as lessons and the good comes as reminders.
If you are an artist, a creator, or anything outside of your family or communities view of practical (as long as it does not hurt anyone) – pursue what it means to be you, and find how you can meaningfully fit that into your life and society. Figure out what you’re willing to sacrifice in this moment, and don’t forget to check in with yourself as you shift and change.
I believe this, plus the community on here I hope to build, will be the first steps toward a very purposeful, and bright career – for both Blair and I.